Sometimes Life Gives You Regret

My life is almost always full of regrets. I feel like I'm always regretting about something I did or something I said. I pride myself in being a good communicator, I'm a good listener and I always have the right words to say. I always thought I'd make a good therapist; I still do but life is just a bit crazy right now.

I've hurt so many people in my life; of course unintentionally. And once I clock it, I'll always go out of my way to make things right. I'm such a feeler, and guilt literally consumes me. No matter how carefully I try to tread, I still find myself messing things up. And it always end up in regret.

I have a pretty messed up memory, but somehow I always remember all the screw ups from when I was little. I remember how mad I made my mom as a toddler, how I set up my big sister or got her into trouble, how I broke the rules in primary school, every time I was rude to my folks, every time I was the evil teenager and big sister to my younger siblings, etc. etc.. I could go on and on.

Most of those times, I was angry or disappointed or just being a brat. But I always made things better. I apologized and totally changed my behavior, sought forgiveness and even forgave myself but somehow, I still beat myself up. Is it really that hard to make sober decisions? To know when to talk, or how to talk? Maybe that's just how God has decided to punish me, by not letting me forget all the bad things I've done or said or did?! 

I've tried to convince myself that I don't have regrets and that all those experiences were much needed and that there are lessons that I gotta carry along to make me a better person or whatever but really? 

I'm a grown a** woman now, but the regret is still here. It's just a bit different. I regret for overreacting, for binge watching all weekend, for wasting my time and not doing anything about it, for emotional eating, for breaking my own promises, for not fighting for what I want etc.. the list is endless. I then regret for regretting and not doing anything about it. It's an endless cycle. But it's not that simple. It's really not. 

This is life and sometimes life gives you regret!!

Well, you can live with it like I do, oh and try to make better judgement or whatever or you can pick the lessons. Yk?!

Cheers 🥂